It just doesn't feel right....

Life can be so funny and confusing. Here one fine day I find myself alone, left behind, betrayed, crying my heart out knowing that there is no one out there waiting for me, no one who loves me and thinks of me, and then I try to gather the pieces of my heart, run away to a safe place and start healing my wounds, Joining each piece of my shattered heart to make it whole again. I try and fix and give myself time to heal and slowly it starts healing.
I get new friends new place, get busy, and one fine day I wake up and find that the pain is gone. I am healed I am whole again.
So here I start again, try to move on, feel the world, feel myself as a part of it. Meet someone new, feel nice think about possibilities and decide to give it a shot, decide to try to be normal, be loved and love in return, Then exactly when I try to get close to this new person all of a sudden I realize I don't want anything else except for what I can't have. I don't want anyone else to be waiting for me except the one who will never wait for me. I have put my heart back together but it still has a hole. A missing piece that was stolen. So here I stand all confused, running half way round the world giving my self about a year to make a new start, looking for a new door. And now that I found the door, and its opened for me and calling me in I am back on my knees crying my heart out again as I don't want to go through it, there is nothing wrong with the new its something wrong with me as I want the old one. The one that hurt me so bad, for everything else feels wrong only that One felt right. I don't know why the source of so much pain appears to be the only thing my heart wants....I don't know why but nothing else feels right....